A Changing Perspective...

Hallo everyone,

The last time I posted was in June. What can I say about the months of July, August and September? Hard. Painful. Sad. Depressed. Long. Heavy. Dark. I feel like I didn't see the summer this year walking through the haze. In June, when I last posted, I had just begun my search for employment. I was devastated at the thought of having to go back to work full time. I cried a lot and felt sad. But God comforted my heart and I buckled down and applied for jobs and waited for interviews. And waited. And applied. And waited. And applied. And waited. And nothing. At the end of June TJ lost his short term disability payments as well, which left us without any income (or savings etc).

Fast forward through a lot of hard days to mid-September. I got a job interview for a job that was a great fit, good pay and even had big sunny windows! I went, felt like I really clicked with everyone and was certain I had a good chance at the job. And then got an email saying someone else had been chosen. Oh how that hurt! Oh how that hurts now. And at that point I lost hope. I lost the hope that things will get better. I lost hope that we'll continue to keep our home, that we won't have to declare bankruptcy, lost hope that I'll ever get work or that we'll ever get off government benefits. A lot of people on my facebook page were very encouraging and uplifitng, but when that feeling enters your soul it's hard and painful and feels very solid. All I saw were months ahead of waiting without hope of work to be followed with an auction and foreclosure and being homeless again. Sigh.

(Now, as a long aside here, I'll also say at no point have I lost my faith in God. I believe there is a good God whose Son is Jesus, whose Spirit walks through all of life with me. I am never and will never be alone. Ever. Now whether I think because I believe in this God I am guaranteed to have a roof over my head or food on the table...well, that one I'm still working out, though I lean heavily toward "no, no guarantees of anything" outside the Spirit bringing comfort and rest for my soul.  Onward with the story...)

And yet. Yet! Isn't that a lovely word. Depressed and hopeless not withstanding I've been trying to maintain our normal routines and schedules and activities, so when a new Bible study started at one of the local churches I went. And I'm so thankful I did. We are going through Priscilla Shirer's study on the life of Gideon. And through the study and time in the Word my perspective is slowly changing.Whether it is the study, my time in the Word or the Spirit bringing comfort to my heart, I am seeing things differently.

First, I've been asking myself a new question: "What if I could have a fast forward button on my life. Let me fast forward three years down the road. TJ is done with school now and I'm looking back at this time. What will I wish I had done? What will I "kick" myself for not doing?" Well, for one, I will want to kick myself for not doing all the little projects that I didn't have time to do once I started working. I have scrapbooks and sewing projects and learning projects galore that could be getting done right now. We have carpet to tear out and steps to repair and landscaping to do. The garden needs attention and our yard needs mowed. And plenty more besides.

Secondly, I've been reminded that the best preparation for the future is to seek and serve God right now, right where I am at in whatever season I find myself. What opportunities do I have right here to be serving the Lord? Well I think the most obvious and pressing is that 1) by keeping my walk with the Lord fresh I then 2) have the means to minister to my hurting husband and 3) the grace to raise my children in the Lord. What good am I anywhere else if I'm not focused on my family first?

Thirdly, I'm learning that preparation for the future isn't just about what I can do. It's also about what others are doing for us. Instead of "kicking against the goads" and feeling bad that we need help I can embrace this season and praise God for teaching us a deeper gratitude and dependency on our brothers and sisters in Christ. I can embrace the fact that we need help and can't do it all on our own. I can embrace the fact that the Lord has allowed the door to work to stay closed for so long, and trust that it is for His ultimate benefit. I can embrace asking for help and be thankful for those who God has blessed to give and to be able to give. I can be thankful that others are blessed to be a blessing because the Lord has allowed hardship into our life. 

Overall, I'm learning that instead of writhing around uncomfortably during this season I can embrace it, rest in in, and learn what I can, praising God for allowing this season. Am I diligently applying to work? Yes. Am I trying to manage the money we receive well? Yes. Today, is there anything else I should be doing? Yes...then do the next best thing, and after doing it, rest. Rest in the knowledge that God is allowing this and could stop it at any time. I can enjoy this time with my family and soak in the minutes we have together. I can be glad to have time to finish the projects I haven't had time for until now. It's ok to be glad. I don't have to feel bad for having joy in our trials. 

Through this all TJ and I have been feeling two things regarding our present and future: 1) We are currently right where we are supposed to be (and there's a whole other lesson of learning to be content in that) and 2) We would like to move to Germany when this time in Ohio closes.

Germany! This is the first I'll say it in public, though it's been growing on our hearts for several years now. One opportunity might be to serve at the Black Forest Academy (BFA -http://bfacademy.com/) in Kandern, Germany. Their site says, "BFA serves the children of international Christian workers and international business families who want a North American curriculum that incorporates a Christian worldview. BFA has an enrollment of approximately 310 students, with about 50% of the 7^th-12^th grade students in the residential boarding program." It is one option we are looking at as we seek where the Lord is leading us.

Whew! This was a long update with no pictures! Elsie is awake now from her nap which means my computer time is at a close. Thank you for your prayers, encouragement, gifts and love. We are so thankful for each of you.

(PS: Just want to note this - after 8 months of TJ being off work, five months of reduced pay and three months of no pay I think it speaks strongly to God's provision in our life that all our bills are current and paid, mortgage and line of credit included. Isn't that amazing! Praise the Lord!! In the interest of full disclosure, I will say that we do have one credit card that has been unpaid for about a year and a half, but that was unrelated to the current situation and just one of those hard "something has to give" decisions. I'm hoping that when I find work it will pay enough to cover all our bills and have extra to start paying down student loans!)

Summer is Here!

Greetings!

Summer has arrived here in the Northwest corner of Ohio. Here's a an odds and ends update on our life these past months.

First, TJ has been off work since mid-February with a back injury. The short story is that before Christmas Ethan jumped on his back. The pain from that healed, but his job was very physical(like moving 500 lb sheets of steel 8 - 10 hrs a day by hand), so he's always been sore. In March, he went to a local chiropractor covered by our insurance who adjusted him incorrectly. He has been off work since recovering, very very slowly, from a tear in the anterior longitudinal ligament and other fancy medical terms. He takes lots of drugs, does stretching, did physical therapy, and rests a lot. In the beginning he walked with a cane and couldn't lift more than about  six lbs without much grimacing. Now he can walk without the cane, lift close to fifteen lbs and have parts of days without pain drugs. The specialist reminds him that progress is progress, no matter the speed. We receive short term disability payments and the Lord has provided for the gaps. 

Early March - it took some doing to stand up again after sitting like this. A month later he entered therapy and was told not to sit up straight like this. 

Lots of rest. The cat has enjoyed this greatly.

"I know I'm not supposed to be sitting here like this, but dog-gon-it, this is my little girl, and I'm going to play with her!"

Photo by Ethan - We found that nice old fashioned cane at a local antique store.

The cane did come in handy sometimes. :)

The Lord blessed us with a new firm mattress. The mattress we had was killing even my back. It has been so nice seeing TJ get out of bed in the morning with minimal groans.

Making progress! TJ is standing without his cane and can hold Elsie now for several minutes at a time. This was a photo with his parents on our front porch on their first visit to our home!

He is also starting to get back to doing small projects around the house. This is huge because he's had months of going stir crazy sitting around. 

No more cane, even on long walking journeys now!

This is the fourth month now he's been off work, and the recovery is by inches. At the last visit to the specialist she advised TJ to find a new line of work that is not so physical. She would not commit to any type of lifting ability in the long term. He has found a degree he could get locally that seems to be what he's been doing, but with the option to be less physical (and get paid more). At our specialist visit next week we'll run it by the doctor and try to get her to nail down some range of numbers/ability levels as far as long term recovery goes. 

We are living day by day, but we do have to give thought to our future. We can't continue to live on his disability payments and he can't go back to work yet, and we don't know how long it will be till he can. But he wants to - oh my, does he ever want to! "Life is hard, and it doesn't get easier." We'll do what we need to do to survive, knowing God walks through this with us, no matter what our circumstances. For that we are very thankful. 

On the bright side, TJ finished his first Bible read through in five months! He is hoping to complete another read through before Christmas and is halfway through Genesis. 

And now for the fun updates! 

We'll start with Elsie. She is growing leaps and bounds. She has quite the repertoire of words now including water, mommy, daddy, grandma, tractor, Thomas, more, no, lawn mower, and cracker. I think she has 15 - 20 words now she uses regularly and is a sponge for learning new words and concepts. 

She is very determined, knows what she wants and goes for it. She often begins by saying "no! no!" before she does something she is not supposed to do. Elsie loves playing with her big brother and spending time outside. She loves to snuggle and cuddle and get kisses too.

Pure Elsie - covered in toys and happy as can be. The chicken in this photo is now a must have fixture in her crib. She has a stuffed puppy that travels with her in the car.

She loves riding the farm vehicles.

A moment of cuddling with big brother.

She loves to move and the swing is perfect for that!

We live on a corner lot and she loves to get up on the step-stool and watch the cars, lawn mowers, trucks and tractors.

She LOVES eating. She generally eats more food each day than her brother. She's happy to dig into anything and get dirty in the process. This is true in the garden also...but I don't think I have any photos of her after eating dirt. :)

Elsie also loves being held. She does not appreciate being put back down on the ground. She also does not appreciate waiting for anything. We see this face often.

Elsie LOVES her daddy! She can also say "shoes" and does so every time she takes one off.

Satisfied with herself for climbing into brothers seat during a rare break in the car.

Excited face! What is that on the floor! Oooooooo!

She has been toddling now for about a month, growing more stable each passing day. In the background you can see my parents putting up a new fence they blessed us with. Very soon our whole yard will be fenced in and the kids can play with all freedom! Because we live at such a busy intersection we have to keep our eyes on them very closely to make sure they don't go near the road.

This little video is of Elsie at 16 months walking, climbing, and asking for water ("wa-wu"). 

Now on to Ethan!

Ethan is now 3 1/2 years old. He is looking very much like a "big boy" to me - taller now and growing out of the "little boy" stage. He LOVES the outdoors. If he could stay outdoors all day I think he would. He loves riding his bike with training wheels, going to see "old tractors," doing anything handy with his daddy, and riding on trains.

He is not fond of getting dirty, does not enjoy learning letters or reading too many books and does not appreciate Elsie's loud crying. There are times in the car when they are both crying - Elsie because she wants out of her seat and Ethan because Elsie is "too loud." :) Ethan is  concerned that things are as they should be - lights should be turned off when we leave the room, doors should be closed, car door locked, etc.

Ethan has a tender heart and is currently in a shy stage, even with grandparents. He also has entered a whiny part of life, but is learning that he doesn't get what he wants when the request is presented in such a way. We are thinking of enrolling him in swim lessons this summer as he is no longer fearful of water.

Ethan was excited for a visit from his Oregon Aunt Tina! And he was doubly excited when Aunt Tina gave him a shiny new red truck and treated him to an ice cream cone!

Posing by our newly tilled garden plot. The string barriers helped him remember what was path and what was garden before the plants grew larger. 

Helping mommy dig out the garden pathways.

Going fishing with daddy!

Ethan got to attend A Day Out With Thomas and ride the train. His Aunt Irma got him a big Thomas balloon and drink cup too. They had a lot of great activities for the kids and it was a well done event.

Taking a break on grandma's lawn mower.

Ethan is our little helper. He is always ready to lend a helping hand and we try to always encourage him in this. Here he is helping grandma carry the water bucket. (And note TJ in the background walking so nicely!)

"Mommy! I am helping you!" I was laying straw in the garden beds and he was using the snow shovel to move the straw to his play structure. I said "thank you!!" :D

My sweet boy.

Riding the train with daddy.

In the last week I gave Ethan a haircut and he just looks so much older to me now. Look at those eyes!

A nice profile shot.

Doesn't he just melt your heart. There is a bit of his shy look in this photo.

As for me, I'm generally hanging in there. My largest project has been the garden. I'm also studying a bit of german by myself and some sign language with the kids. My biggest challenge is keeping my kitchen and shower clean. We don't have a dishwasher and I do a lot of home cooking. If you come to visit us, expect dirty dishes! :)

Posing with the kids on our front porch.

Out for a walk on a sunny spring day.

We have great neighbors! When she saw we were taking family photos on the porch she walked across the street and asked if I'd like to be in the photo too! :)

At the zoo on veterans (and families) get in free day!

The finished new-to-us fence on the long side of our yard. This connects to a shed/garage.

We have lots and lots of onions. Lots!

I love sprouts!!

Eventually I plan for the whole garden to look like this - newspaper over the bed, covered by straw, with cardboard lining the pathways. We were blessed with straw!

Pepper and tomato beds. At last count we have over 30 tomato plants. :D

Ethan helping measure the yard. The second garden plot in the background was tilled out generously by one of my friends from high school. TJ's parents brought us enough plants to fill a whole new garden, so we added another!

Our little village has a town-wide garage sale each year. This year I was able to get the missing pieces of my grandmother's china set, as well as a few new pieces.

I'm learning to make kombucha. I can get the taste right but have not yet mastered the fizz. But I'll keep on trying, because the fizz is the best part!

Thanks for catching up on our life! 

If you would like to pray for us you can always pray for wisdom and that we will grow closer to the Lord each day. We are thankful for the Lord's provision and tender care of our souls. Blessings to you each, Cheryl

March 2013

Well, as per usual it's been a while since I've updated here. Life has been busy with two little ones and the year has gone by quickly. A lot has happened in just the last month (well, and the last few days!) though that doesn't quite fit on a Facebook status. So this will be a longer update but I'll try to arrange it read-a-bly. :)

ELSIE 
 
Elsie turned 1 last month! We had a little party for her and enjoyed that. She is a delight to us, though VERY different from her brother. I'm not sure they could be any more different actually. Pretty much you say "Ethan does this" and Elsie is the opposite. Or "Elsie does this" and Ethan is the opposite. We pray that they will learn to work together and be friends through their differences. The differences are neither good nor bad, simply different. 

Elsie is a great eater. She has been eating solids for a while now, and for example, today had french fries, some of TJ's hamburger (bun and all!), yesterday she ate apple slices, she eats mandarin orange slices whole if I let her. She isn't interested in walking yet but gets what she wants nonetheless. She loves her brother and when I open her door in the morning and walk in she smiles at me but keeps standing there looking at the door till Ethan comes in. She's had 8 teeth for a while now. She is still nursing and still waking at night, though we're generally down to once a night. Sleeping is not her favorite thing - one nap a day is all she will really sleep for unless her first nap was in the car.

Elsie with Mrs. Martin, a friend of my grandma Henrietta (Elsie's middle name). Elsie crawled right over to her and began to grab things off her plate! Mrs. Martin was kind though and shared some of her food. :)

Daddy and his little "pumpkin." She loves snuggling and reading books and getting kisses.

The pretty table my Aunt Irma arranged for Elsie's party.

ETHAN

Ethan is three now! He was very slow to begin talking but is now nice and chattery. He loves anything with wheels, the cat, Elsie, his grandparents, and going to MOPS, new sunday school and new bible study. He is very active and very social, we're so thankful that Elsie will soon be able to play with him more. He has two friends here he talks about, "cousin Caleb" and Josiah. We're looking forward to getting him outside more this summer.

In the past few days Ethan has potty trained! I've been working with him on and off for a while now but really haven't focused on it at all. Today is Tuesday, so Saturday I just felt like wow, he is ready to be done with diapers. We had his undies on all day including naptime and he did great! Sunday he went to sunday school and church in undies, had a three hour nap in the afternoon and went to church again in the evening for an event (where he got his first fat lip!)(he's fine) and was totally dry that whole time. We went on a long long car drive yesterday and had put a diaper on him about half way through the drive but he refused to go in his diaper. Thus we were acquainted with several roadside bushes, the car tire and some public restrooms. It's great! 

Ethan got his first bicycle with training wheels and helmet yesterday also! We were at a thrift shop and found a very nice set VERY cheaply. He keeps asking to go out and ride his bike, although now that means pushing him and trying to explain how to move the pedals. He thinks that is great fun!

Big brown eyes.

Making "scary faces!"

Mommy is learning to cut my hair...straight funny bangs will not always be my style!

"Take my picture! Take my picture!" (and then "let me see! let me see!")

This is a photo of Elsie that Ethan took! He loves taking photos and sometimes captures a really good one like this.

TJ

TJ is doing well all things considered. In the new year he has been working on reading through the Bible in 6 months and at his current pace (if he can slog through Leviticus and Numbers!) should be finished within the month. It does a wife's heart good to hear him say, "can we just turn the tv off for a while, I'd really like to read my Bible." :) He hopes to join a Men's Bible Study at our church Wednesday nights and enjoys attending Sunday morning services.

Unfortunately on February 11th he injured his low back. His job is very physical and his back is often sore, so he had gone to a new chiropractor. He saw the chiropractor Monday, went to work Tuesday and hurt really bad, and when he went back to work Wednesday by the time he sat down for a break he was in so much pain his co-workers had to help him stand. He's been off work since then, walks with a cane and can't lift more than about 5 lbs (including the children - he tries, then doubles over in pain).

He will go see a "board certified specialist in physical medicine, rehabilitation, electrodiagnostic medicine and independent medical examiner" in two weeks (two weeks!!) to try and help get him healed. Today we saw a good chiropractor who believes he may have one or more disks that have possibly fragmented. The chiropractor wants him to get an MRI before he will work on him, lest he damage more, and was not at all encouraging (and apologized that he couldn't be more encouraging!) about the road ahead. We spent the entire rest of the day trying to get TJ an MRI, including a visit to the ER (they did give him some shots for the pain) and several calls back and forth to the doctors office. 

Unfortunately we seem to be in insurance/doctor limbo now, where the doctor won't do more till the specialist sees him, the specialist won't order more tests till they see him or the doctor orders them, the insurance won't pay for an MRI recommended by the chiropractor because the chiropractor is not with that insurance company, the ER with the MRI machine down the hall won't give him an MRI unless the doctor orders it and in the meantime TJ waits in pain. It makes me feel angry to see him in pain and know that one simple test could get him on the road to recovery and yet somehow no one will make it happen. It brings to mind how helpless I felt working in HR when I could see what would help someone but just couldn't get the pieces to come together to help them. Ugh.

On the bright side his company offers short term disability, so next week we should be getting some sort of check, which means that we were only without a paycheck for two weeks!  

While TJ is home we are trying to keep him busy. We've cleaned out a large upstairs closet for him to use as a workshop and he now has a model car to put together along with some other small hand work. It's a bummer because usually when he's off work like this it's because he is laid off, and in that case he can do large heavy indoor and outdoor projects. This time is a little more challenging and he's already going quite stir crazy.

I know TJ would appreciate any prayers, for pain levels, for a cancellation at the specialist so he can get in sooner, and just for general encouragement.

Ethan took this one...note the cane TJ is holding. :(

ME

I'm all good! :) I've been working on round one of purging our house of all the things that are not "beautiful or useful" to us anymore. We still have one more large load to move from my parents and then should be done moving! I have two large areas to finish sorting through and then should be done with round one. After that I can start working more on fun projects like crafts and hobbies.

I'm enjoying learning new skills like yogurt making, bread baking, butter from heavy cream, vanilla extract, teething cream, diaper cream, and the latest...kombucha! I'm really excited about that one though still sourcing a place to buy bottles. I have several small business ideas floating around that I am researching. One of these is to become a daily money manager helping people pay their bills (like a housecleaner would help clean a house). I love working with money!

I have extensive plans for our backyard this summer and am still debating what I should focus on. Eventually we want to have a large garden, save our produce and have some sort of animal for meat. And berry bushes and fruit trees and flowers and herbs (for beauty, food and medicinal purposes). It's hard to take it a step at a time when I have so many large dreams! 

Snuggling with my little girl. Isn't her grin great!

OUR FAMILY

As a family we are doing well overall in this last year and a half since our move. We still miss our Oregon friends and family something fierce, but are slowly putting down roots here. 

Lately we've begun attending a new church and are happy to have found a place now where our hearts feel at home. It is so hard to leave a church you love (or anything... we're finding this is true with every aspect of our lives here) and forgive every church after that for not being the one we left. We've only been attending "new church" as Ethan says for a few weeks but are excited about going each week and looking forward to finding ways to meet people and get involved. The new schedule also works much better around naptimes, which is so important when Elsie only takes one nap a day anyway!


We also made the permanent choice to be done with our biological family. Although we're not fully sure we're done having a family we wanted to be sure that if we wanted more children we would adopt. Also, TJ says he never wants to see a baby born purple again with the cord around its neck like Elsie was (she was fine though, it must have tightened in the canal). There are sooooooo many kids out there that need a good home, I'd love to adopt them all! We'll see what the future brings, but in the meantime I've given away all the cloths the kids have grown out of. If another one comes along we can get more and in the meantime I don't have to store them! 

We're also joining the ranks of people who are thinking more about food choices and sources. From videos like "Food, Inc." to cookbooks like "Nourishing Traditions," we're slowly beginning to eat healthier and more humanely. We're also focusing this year on sourcing things locally. There are Wal-Mart's here, but why should we support their corporate structure when we can support many great small local business (which in turn directly supports our community) for about the same cost. And some things should be more important than a price tag anyway. In the process we find out great things, like the local grocery store will bag our food and take it to the car for us and ask us not to tip! With two kids and a gimpy hubby that rocks! 
 
Thanks for reading our little update! Blessings to each of you.

Homemade pizza including crust and mozzarella cheese!

Homemade sushi! Ohhhh so yummy!

They love to stand and look out the window, though Elsie can't quite see it all yet.

Ethan helping Elsie.

Beautiful sunset, photo taken from our porch.